I have been remembering our first days together at Purpooduck.
It was soon after the defense of her dissertation: "Urban Planning as Manifestation of Desire". Rina cooked me placinta, with mustarded sardines on saltines, and bananas republic for dessert. I said, "Rina, I like you!" She said, "You are such a sadist." After some time, sweating, and with heart pounding, I said, "Well, do you like me?" She said, "Don't now be a masochist." Discussion then was stilled till our next get-together.
I learned that every healthy relation begins with a little sado-masochism.
The lack of loving Rina is clotting a spot into the nervous tissues of my body the size of my body, that is to say: all over. The spot, the lack, will not be sated by sadism – or by anything else – this winter.