Speaking of embryos

I have received in the mail two small vials and two buccal swabs. I must swab the inside of each cheek and insert and seal each swab into each vial. My brother tested positive for a gene mutation that indicates he does indeed have the heart condition that brought the implantation of a pace maker, but which he thought he may not actually have, because of the fact that he has never had to change the pace maker battery. Now I must undergo such test. My two questions for my mother: 1: Why should we do this? and 2: What are the implications of this new scientific knowledge?
Her responses: If it turns out I do not have it, I can stop taking the tiny nibbles of atenolol pills I take every night, in the case of arrhythmia. If it turns out I do have it, I will continue to take the pill, and in the case that I should become pregnant I could have a genetic test done for that fetus to see if it too would have such gene presumably allowing for preventative measures for the resulting child.
Or alternatively, if I wanted to have a child, I could have in vitro fertilization in which several embryos would be created and then tested to see which have the mutation and which don't and then one without the mutation could be implanted in my uterus.
I responded that we live in different worlds, I don't even go to the doctor and the idea of paying a million dollars for a child seems kind of crazy. She said it's ten thousand dollars a child, her friend had two children that way to avoid the cystic fibrosis gene, and that one side of the family paid for one, and one side of the family paid for the other, and what a wonderful gift.
I don't know what to do with this new knowledge. While I do not want to be stubbornly regressive in opposition to my family of scientists/science heads, I also feel like getting involved in this sort of thing leads to further dependency on my parents- they justify all the things that I need to do medically, but then they must pay for it because I don't have the kind of lifestyle that can support genetic testing and in vitro fertilization. I'm going to do the test, I got the things in the mail, I guess it's good to know what my risk is for syncope and such things, but I am also wary of the outcomes of this process. I am also however, very close to whole heartedly embracing this process of building our genetic knowledge, at least in theory; my immediate family is already half cyborg, and improved in that manner by science, and with my current plan to compose a child with non relationship derived sperm, I could just go ahead and get that embryo engineered and tested.

telegraph

I just found out that Upton Hill Regional Park, where I used to go to use the batting cage and play put-put golf when I was a teenager, was the barracks of the US Nazi Party during the sixties, and that the founder of the party, George Lincoln Rockwell, was assassinated around the corner at Dominion Hills Shopping Center. I am surprised that we didn't figure this out in middle school when my friends were obsessed with the mafia, nazis, and serial killers. The discovery of this geographical overlap of us led me to this photo from 1961 of Rockwell at a Nation of Islam meeting:

Apparently Rockwell tried to form a coalition with the Nation of Islam because of both groups' support for racial separation; he praised Elijah Muhammed as the "Black Peoples' Hitler," and Malcolm X as the next promising leader. In spite of which, while on a "Hate Bus" tour in the South in 1965 Rockwell received the following amazing telegraph from Malcolm X:
"This is to warn you that I am no longer held in check from fighting white supremacists by Elijah Muhammad's separatist Black Muslim movement, and that if your present racist agitation against our people there in Alabama causes physical harm to Reverend King or any other black Americans who are only attempting to enjoy their rights as free human beings, that you and your Ku Klux Klan friends will be met with maximum physical retaliation from those of us who are not hand-cuffed by the disarming philosophy of nonviolence, and who believe in asserting our right of self-defense – by any means necessary."

Ian, please bring quality literature back to the blog.

...I HAVE ROID RAGE!!!! GOTTA KEEP UP LEN

Chem

wachel/
7:11pmRachel

chemical!

wutsup
7:12pmChem

how bout this
7:12pmRachel

i love it

i really do

because i am busy and crazy
7:12pmChem

just doing a wittle computa work
7:12pmRachel

so its nice to hear from you

thesis?
7:12pmChem

yup you are busysysysysy

yup just entered joanna's manuscript
7:12pmRachel

kind of sucks

great!
7:13pmChem

what're you studying

?
7:13pmRachel

anatomy
7:13pmChem

coool
7:13pmRachel

i've done some good things
7:13pmChem

what body part
7:14pmRachel

shoulder and armpit
7:14pmChem

yeah. right on.
7:15pmRachel

i had my first day of doctor shadowing today and it was cool

family health center
7:15pmChem

good
7:15pmRachel

but the academic part is just wow

so much work
7:15pmChem

wow what

yeah..

turns out i can't go to penland bcuz it starts in february

but its ok
7:15pmRachel

i miss you

hey are you applying to penland?
7:16pmChem

i miss you too
7:16pmRachel

being so busy makes me feel like i need to take life by the horns or some shit

how do you feel about not applying to penland?
7:17pmChem

i feel ok about it

7:17pmRachel

7:18pmChem

but i wrote it before you wrote about penland chat is so weerd

ok anyway

it's ok

7:18pmChem

i don't mind

i'll just apply next year

or do something else
7:18pmRachel

neat

yeah
7:19pmChem

like make sweet love with bernice
7:19pmRachel

yeah!
7:19pmChem

i wish
7:19pmRachel

who is that?

your teacher?
7:21pmRachel

in this quiet space i just want to mention that i am in a great elective "medical/legal issues and our changing concepts of reproduction and the family" - a joint course with vt law school

the first meeting was the shit
7:21pmChem

it is funny i was just reading in a picture book that belgium has the flemingers and the walloons and the flemingers are large, monstrous, light, slow and quiet and the walloons are small, dark, and impulsive, and bernice was (that course sounds rad) always talking about how flems are staid and she was having trouble with so many outgoing americans

and her emails to me are like formal letters

it is funny
7:23pmRachel

i like it when people make technological communications polite and kind of formal...its romantic

how is bammy?

how is backy?

gordo?
7:25pmChem

i agree. i uncharacteristically wrote her an email that said things like "i LOVED working with you" and i'm sure she didn't know what to do w/ it

bammy is crappy

but normal
7:25pmRachel

in this quiet space i'll tell you that human dissection really does help you learn
7:26pmChem

my backywhacky is not hurting so much now i am just trying not to fuck it up again

gordo was empty and i got some work done.
7:26pmRachel

those things sound good
7:26pmChem

almost attacked by a great dane
7:26pmRachel

wft

what fuck the?

but what happened?
7:27pmChem

because i think the owner couldn't possibly imagine someone would be walking down the street because even though it is a tiny and completely walkable/bikable town everyone drives absolutely everywhere
7:27pmRachel

i know its not funny but its hard not to laugh
7:27pmChem

and the grocery store has bullshit food and many people are obese
7:28pmRachel

it reminds me of how jason's bammy relatives call orange soda orange juice
7:28pmChem

the mayor is really nice he was a firefighter and now owns a bookstore which he said he always wanted to do because he thinks reading is so important and on the weekend he holds court and people come talk to him
7:29pmRachel

a great thing about a small town

local government is completely different in small towns

when do you get a break?
7:30pmChem

also yesterday was todd's bday and i went out to eat with his parents and his mom said things like "i'm just a southern gal, i ain't never been nowhere, i don't know how to say any of these... sooovaka? (souvlaki). and she also said toddie do you remember when i used to make barf caserole (todd: yeah, that was good), well this food looks way more like barf and then they (parents) would crack up for 10 minutes
7:31pmRachel

yes!
7:31pmChem

also his father kept repeating over and over spicy chicken with RIIIIIICE!
7:31pmRachel

lets make barf casserole for our offspring
7:31pmChem

totally

it was funny
7:31pmRachel

that must be where toddie gets his coolness

thinking about peoples parents reminds me of this fucking awesome elective

embryo donor controversies and non traditional families

it blew my mind i'm so glad i'm in it
7:33pmChem

whoa, so you have two "nontraditional" ones
7:33pmRachel

no its just one elective

with the best teachers
7:33pmChem

oh ok same one

sounds good
7:33pmRachel

two awesome ladies, both doctoras and one is also a lawyer

and we read about this case from 8 years ago

and talked about what we would do if we were the court

then they told us what the court did

it was unbelievable
7:34pmChem

did they align with yall
7:34pmRachel

it made me want to tell all my friends to become lawyers
7:34pmChem

oh. so they didn't
7:35pmRachel

in some ways but mostly not

just real quick

there was a single woman who wanted to have a baby
7:35pmChem

fuck that bullshit already
7:35pmRachel

so she went to a clinic for a donated embryo because she didn't want to mess with paternity rights of sperm donors

(lets just stop right there)

so anyway the fucking doctor

accidentally implants in her an embryo that was not donated but belonged to a couple who they helped get preggers
7:36pmChem

i didn't even know you could get an embryo
7:36pmRachel

and the doc covered it up
7:36pmChem

that means it doesn't have your jeans?
7:37pmRachel

yes

then one of the docs staff threatened to out him

so he went to the woman's house with PRESENTS FOR HER BABY
7:37pmChem

why did he do that- was it on purpose?
7:37pmRachel

and told her he fucked up (but he didn't tell her about the cover up)

accident

and she's like, "oh, we're all reasonable people, lets just talk it out"...

and she's been in court ever since

8 years

the son is in therapy

the fucking embryo parents moved into her town so they could sue for custody

now she only has 60% custody
7:39pmChem

whoa... so if they had been ok w it it wouldve been ok but they weren't?
7:40pmRachel

and the embryo dad is suing AGAIN because he wants full custody

no, the dad is like, "every sperm is sacred"
7:40pmChem

annoying
7:41pmRachel

when she first went to a lawyer

the lawyer was like, "is there anyone you could marry? anyone at all?
7:41pmChem

ha

i guess i've always assumed when i want to have a kid i'll just get one of my friends to sleep with me but maybe that'll be harder than i think
7:42pmRachel

i think its a good route in our circles

who should be your baby daddy?
7:42pmChem

i should've gotten seth's sperm when i could. god damn it.
7:43pmRachel

yeah, i wish he would be into it but

hmmm

dan has a bad back
7:43pmChem

yeah i want him to be my baby daddy. i would leave the country.

two bad backs is no good
7:44pmRachel

wow dan is calling me!
7:44pmChem

whoa!

you can get it if you want

i might should get out of 5th floor
7:44pmRachel

i got it but he says hi
7:44pmChem

hi dan

or we could try to negotiate this conference call
7:45pmRachel

jessica rosenberg just started chatting with me!!!

overload
7:45pmChem

who's that?

first girlfriend?
7:45pmRachel

yup
7:45pmChem

whoa i want to chat with her.

PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!
7:46pmRachel

aaaaaaah!
7:46pmChem

just thought i'd throw that in the mix
7:46pmRachel

harumph
7:46pmChem

YOU LOVE THEM MORE!!!!!!!!
7:46pmRachel

I LOVE YOU MORE!
7:46pmChem

I KNEW IT!!!!!!!

I KNEW THAT!!!!!!!!!
7:47pmRachel

i hope so

i should go study and end these chats
7:47pmChem

ok i think i gotta get something to eat to properly manage anziety

yeah end this shit
7:47pmRachel

ok let me know how to handle it when you find out

anxiet

y

peace out my love
7:48pmChem

i can tell you one thing- alcohol, caffeine, and guilty sex are not helping

hahahahahhahahahahahaha

lol

lol

lol
7:48pmRachel

yeah hilarious
7:49pmChem

iotflmao

ykwimb?
7:49pmRachel

i hope to talk more when i have time soon
7:49pmChem

i'm on the floor laughing my ass off. you know what i mean biatch?

this is gonna be the way we talk for the next 4 years!!!!!!! hahahahahahahahahahaaha

lol

lol
7:50pmRachel

fuck no

don't even

i can't handle
7:50pmChem

i think the "builder's" bar i recently ate is fucking me up. i have roid rage.

my mom sent me it in the mail. thanks ma.

ok bye bye bye ratch?
7:51pmRachel

bye friend

i really love you
7:51pmChem

bye toodles ciao. i love you too.
7:51pmRachel

take care of yourself for me

xo
7:51pmChem

i will try.

tell me if you come with good anxiety remedies..

chow
7:52pmRachel

later alligator

I've developed nearly constant anxiety. If it's not one thing it's another. I can push this anxiety away with work, so therefore I must always be working. I think I can remember days when I daydreamed, when I relished dozing as a pleasurable and creative time. I wonder if I will ever daydream again?

Ada, Arbor

When to begin? It began with Ava. Well, I don't know how far back plans were made to take a trip to Ida. They were going to see Edie there. All I know is that when Ava and the rest of them all made a stop here on their trip south was the first I heard of it. Except that I remember when I first met her I mispronounced her name, I said "Eva."



Not long after, my own travelling plans began to take shape. I knew the route would take me across old Iroquois territories. There was initially some vexation over placenames; was the destination on lake Otsego, in Otsego county? Or was it the somewhere in the city of Oswego, on the shores of lake Ontario, the seat of Oswego county? As the Susquehanna runs south from its headwaters at lake Otsego, it passes first through Otego, then 70 miles downriver through Owego. I prepared a sheaf of maps and set off; soon I was in the clear air and brilliant sun and the trouble with these names ceased to bother me. As I passed to the east of Cortland, heading toward the north country, I was spurred on by thoughts of the great orchards that lay ahead of me.

She said the prettiest place on Earth was Baltimore at night

Our old sailor-friend Daniil Pavloff VIII made this elegant film several years ago but it never achieved any kind of distribution until recently.

The warm wet of a morning not yet turned, day snaked flush with day, spines aligned. Lines unwind, splinter to brittle segments and rays. The stab of it! When I think I'm grown away, far-off enough now to not mind the gap: skipped beat at every third stroke, a stutter somewhere in the heart. Simple, unmendable grief.

What do I do with this love? Interrogating myself just leads back into the big questioning breath-hungry chest which is so overwhelmed with feeling that it can only manifest as a huge swallowing hole such that everything goes around and around uselessly like in an astrophysicist's dimension-theory doughnut model, into the hole and out again without ever having gained any depth.

STOP. Sleepy eyes & spittly beads.

DINNER ON THE GROUNDS

"Sweet; unsweet; coke."

BOUSECHEEK

Too hot to keep chocolate; it runs all over. Every time I take a sip of mate it immediately comes dribbling out through my skin. At the botanical garden I was talking to Jophet by the cacao tree and couldn't believe the amount of brine coming out of me. I got sunburned from sitting & reading in total shade. The twisty red candle on the windowsill relaxed its shape and leaned itself curvily against the pencil-sharpener. I put icecubes in my lemonwater to cool it and they were gone in less than a minute. I put four more in; they were pea-sized a minute later when I went to drink.

Lenya and I were back and forth between Chişinău and Medea gathering our weathers to go south with my tocayo to fête Jophet, who awaited us – and her thirtieth birthday – in Tallapoosa. In one of those meantime evenings I rode bikes out the bay with some Chişinău friends to see if my uncle's schooner was coming in off the banks yet. It was. I'd spoken with Lenya that evening and we had a loose plan to find Jophet at dark and watch some bad films with him; leaving the sunset-glow of the pier toward that end I had the pleasure of encountering Ralu, whom I'd not met before but about whom I'd heard much from Lenya. Her sister took this photograph.

They were clumsy together. The three had shared a couple Augusts' worth of the intimacy of I want to know where this one is going.

Jophet is in Tallapoosa in joy of thirty-first birth & thirtieth cumplimiento. Her bicycle moves through the palpable heat like a flinder-mouse, finely awake to each synchronous valence. She navigates libraries with the grace and force of her years. Her succulents thrive. She can be reduced to no collection of details. Having ganged south to give love and hugs engendered perennially in them by her and having now ganged north again, her tribu already wants more such outlet!

Have you ever seen anything like that before in your whole entire life?

Harvest, Herbst, Κάρπος

Many species of Lycaenid, including our common Everes comyntas, are myrmecophilous in the larval stage – that is, their caterpillar-body will secrete sweet liquors tasty enough to ants to cause them to tend and protect the caterpillar much as a little frontier family would their milch cow. One species, however, complicates or upsets this image most compellingly. Far from settling for the peaceful model available to it as a Lycaenid, whereby it might live out its larval life transforming vegetable matter partly into butterflyward body mass and partly into a sugar-tithe for its protectors, Feniseca tarquinius chooses, inexplicably, fauna over flora as the fodder for its larval stage. Alone in this choice among all North American butterflies, the handsome caterpillar gobblingly ravages its way among the plump little bodies of the Wooly Aphid (Eriosomatinae): the larva of which, it should be noted – and there must be some kind of reason for this disturbing quasi-symmetry – is myrmecophilous.